Compassion

My parents are my heroes. They have always been there for me and even when they don't quite understand me, they do the best they can. They have taught me how to be a good person, and continue to do so to this day.

A few years ago my dad survived a series of strokes that reduced his mental and physical capacity and changed his personality. This was a hard time for my family, and I had trouble with the transition of being one of his caregivers. I was mourning the loss of the man my dad was, and even though I had a lot of emotional support, I still felt sorry for myself. It was during this time that my dad taught me a very unexpected lesson.

One night, my mom noticed that my dad was acting stranger than usual. He had trouble moving around, was very agitated, and yet kept insisting he was okay. After a while my mom realized that he might be having another stroke and called 911. While we were waiting for the ambulance, I was tasked to keep my dad from getting up since he kept on trying to get on his feet and would invariably lose his balance. He didn't like that too much and was really pissed at me. When the paramedics arrived, we had to argue with them to take him to the hospital because by that time his vitals were normal and my dad kept insisting he was okay. Even the doctor who first saw him in the emergency room said he looked fine. It wasn't until a MRI was performed that detected another stroke did we finally feel that our concerns were validated.

After a couple of hours in the emergency room my sister and I were allowed to visit my dad. He didn't recognize us at the time and at one point asked us if he can go home. I told him no, that he had to stay here for a while. He looked at me with anger in his eyes and said "You have no compassion." Now it was my turn to be angry. I suffered weeks of worrying about my dad, mourning the loss of his personality, memory, and insight, had to fight with paramedics and doctors to get him treated, spent hours in the hospital waiting, and I'm the one with no compassion?

And that's when the lesson hit me. You know what? He was right. I was here feeling sorry for myself, and up until then I never really tried to put myself in my dad's shoes. He was trapped in his own body. He was scared, confused, and couldn't trust his mind or his body like he used to. And even in that state he is still teaching me. It was that day that I learned compassion, and I looked at my dad not as a burden, but as a person that needed and deserved my help and love. 

I apply that lesson of compassion to everyone I interact with. It helps me be an effective teacher and coach. If people don't understand my explanation the first time, compassion puts me in their shoes so I can offer corrections that they get. Compassion keeps exasperation at bay, and invites patience and empathy.