Fear of “No” and getting back to my core values

Since my first two clients, I have not gotten any new ones, and have been turned down twice. I know there are tons of things I can do about it, but can’t seem to get it all done. Lately I feel like I have been spinning my wheels and BUSY instead of PRODUCTIVE. I’m doing a lot, but nothing that is focused and efficient in reaching out to prospective clients. I know I need clients, and I know it so much that I feel I am wearing it on my face. As my finances dwindle, I start feeling desperate, which is the last thing I want to be.

I’m hustling, but it’s not working. What’s going on with me? I realized that I’m still afraid of people saying no to me, so afraid that I don’t put myself out there unless someone reaches out to me first about fitness. And even then, if they say, “I don’t know if I can afford a trainer,” or “I don’t want a trainer right now” then I back off right away. And that is what is not working. I know I need to shift, but I don’t know which gear to shift into.

And then I remembered – it’s not about me trying to convince people to hire me, it’s about authentically wanting to help people lead happier and healthier lives. I know that I have the capacity to help people and I am getting better at it everyday. There are people out there that will welcome my assistance and will be the better for it. I need to be brave, keep meeting people, and put myself out there so they can see what’s possible. And that’s the gear I need to stay in to help me through this lean time.

Living My Truth, and Compassion Part Two

Yesterday was one of those perfect days that validated my career move. I had a great early session with a client that started my day off right, and then spent some quality time with my niece, who I call my mini-me. We went out to lunch and saw a movie that we have both been looking forward to see for months. At the end of the day, I took a moment to reflect on how much I really enjoy my life right now.   Health and fitness are important to me, so I created a new career around them. I appreciate the fact that I help people become healthier for a living. My family and friends are important to me too so I make time to connect with them, and I get to be a friend, a positive influence, and role model. In other words, I am living my truth.

One of the highlights of my day was the conversation I had with my niece. She told me she gave up everything her brother couldn't eat for Lent. He has a ton of food allergies - eggs, seafood, dairy, nuts, and sometimes it's hard to find acceptable options for him in restaurant menus. My niece is a really good kid, but I was still amazed at the level of her compassion for her brother. She came up with that idea on her own, no one suggested it to her. At a certain level, she is putting herself in her brother's shoes for 40 days. Here was another lesson of compassion for me.

Compassion

My parents are my heroes. They have always been there for me and even when they don't quite understand me, they do the best they can. They have taught me how to be a good person, and continue to do so to this day.

A few years ago my dad survived a series of strokes that reduced his mental and physical capacity and changed his personality. This was a hard time for my family, and I had trouble with the transition of being one of his caregivers. I was mourning the loss of the man my dad was, and even though I had a lot of emotional support, I still felt sorry for myself. It was during this time that my dad taught me a very unexpected lesson.

One night, my mom noticed that my dad was acting stranger than usual. He had trouble moving around, was very agitated, and yet kept insisting he was okay. After a while my mom realized that he might be having another stroke and called 911. While we were waiting for the ambulance, I was tasked to keep my dad from getting up since he kept on trying to get on his feet and would invariably lose his balance. He didn't like that too much and was really pissed at me. When the paramedics arrived, we had to argue with them to take him to the hospital because by that time his vitals were normal and my dad kept insisting he was okay. Even the doctor who first saw him in the emergency room said he looked fine. It wasn't until a MRI was performed that detected another stroke did we finally feel that our concerns were validated.

After a couple of hours in the emergency room my sister and I were allowed to visit my dad. He didn't recognize us at the time and at one point asked us if he can go home. I told him no, that he had to stay here for a while. He looked at me with anger in his eyes and said "You have no compassion." Now it was my turn to be angry. I suffered weeks of worrying about my dad, mourning the loss of his personality, memory, and insight, had to fight with paramedics and doctors to get him treated, spent hours in the hospital waiting, and I'm the one with no compassion?

And that's when the lesson hit me. You know what? He was right. I was here feeling sorry for myself, and up until then I never really tried to put myself in my dad's shoes. He was trapped in his own body. He was scared, confused, and couldn't trust his mind or his body like he used to. And even in that state he is still teaching me. It was that day that I learned compassion, and I looked at my dad not as a burden, but as a person that needed and deserved my help and love. 

I apply that lesson of compassion to everyone I interact with. It helps me be an effective teacher and coach. If people don't understand my explanation the first time, compassion puts me in their shoes so I can offer corrections that they get. Compassion keeps exasperation at bay, and invites patience and empathy.