Fear of “No” and getting back to my core values

Since my first two clients, I have not gotten any new ones, and have been turned down twice. I know there are tons of things I can do about it, but can’t seem to get it all done. Lately I feel like I have been spinning my wheels and BUSY instead of PRODUCTIVE. I’m doing a lot, but nothing that is focused and efficient in reaching out to prospective clients. I know I need clients, and I know it so much that I feel I am wearing it on my face. As my finances dwindle, I start feeling desperate, which is the last thing I want to be.

I’m hustling, but it’s not working. What’s going on with me? I realized that I’m still afraid of people saying no to me, so afraid that I don’t put myself out there unless someone reaches out to me first about fitness. And even then, if they say, “I don’t know if I can afford a trainer,” or “I don’t want a trainer right now” then I back off right away. And that is what is not working. I know I need to shift, but I don’t know which gear to shift into.

And then I remembered – it’s not about me trying to convince people to hire me, it’s about authentically wanting to help people lead happier and healthier lives. I know that I have the capacity to help people and I am getting better at it everyday. There are people out there that will welcome my assistance and will be the better for it. I need to be brave, keep meeting people, and put myself out there so they can see what’s possible. And that’s the gear I need to stay in to help me through this lean time.

Living My Truth, and Compassion Part Two

Yesterday was one of those perfect days that validated my career move. I had a great early session with a client that started my day off right, and then spent some quality time with my niece, who I call my mini-me. We went out to lunch and saw a movie that we have both been looking forward to see for months. At the end of the day, I took a moment to reflect on how much I really enjoy my life right now.   Health and fitness are important to me, so I created a new career around them. I appreciate the fact that I help people become healthier for a living. My family and friends are important to me too so I make time to connect with them, and I get to be a friend, a positive influence, and role model. In other words, I am living my truth.

One of the highlights of my day was the conversation I had with my niece. She told me she gave up everything her brother couldn't eat for Lent. He has a ton of food allergies - eggs, seafood, dairy, nuts, and sometimes it's hard to find acceptable options for him in restaurant menus. My niece is a really good kid, but I was still amazed at the level of her compassion for her brother. She came up with that idea on her own, no one suggested it to her. At a certain level, she is putting herself in her brother's shoes for 40 days. Here was another lesson of compassion for me.

Compassion

My parents are my heroes. They have always been there for me and even when they don't quite understand me, they do the best they can. They have taught me how to be a good person, and continue to do so to this day.

A few years ago my dad survived a series of strokes that reduced his mental and physical capacity and changed his personality. This was a hard time for my family, and I had trouble with the transition of being one of his caregivers. I was mourning the loss of the man my dad was, and even though I had a lot of emotional support, I still felt sorry for myself. It was during this time that my dad taught me a very unexpected lesson.

One night, my mom noticed that my dad was acting stranger than usual. He had trouble moving around, was very agitated, and yet kept insisting he was okay. After a while my mom realized that he might be having another stroke and called 911. While we were waiting for the ambulance, I was tasked to keep my dad from getting up since he kept on trying to get on his feet and would invariably lose his balance. He didn't like that too much and was really pissed at me. When the paramedics arrived, we had to argue with them to take him to the hospital because by that time his vitals were normal and my dad kept insisting he was okay. Even the doctor who first saw him in the emergency room said he looked fine. It wasn't until a MRI was performed that detected another stroke did we finally feel that our concerns were validated.

After a couple of hours in the emergency room my sister and I were allowed to visit my dad. He didn't recognize us at the time and at one point asked us if he can go home. I told him no, that he had to stay here for a while. He looked at me with anger in his eyes and said "You have no compassion." Now it was my turn to be angry. I suffered weeks of worrying about my dad, mourning the loss of his personality, memory, and insight, had to fight with paramedics and doctors to get him treated, spent hours in the hospital waiting, and I'm the one with no compassion?

And that's when the lesson hit me. You know what? He was right. I was here feeling sorry for myself, and up until then I never really tried to put myself in my dad's shoes. He was trapped in his own body. He was scared, confused, and couldn't trust his mind or his body like he used to. And even in that state he is still teaching me. It was that day that I learned compassion, and I looked at my dad not as a burden, but as a person that needed and deserved my help and love. 

I apply that lesson of compassion to everyone I interact with. It helps me be an effective teacher and coach. If people don't understand my explanation the first time, compassion puts me in their shoes so I can offer corrections that they get. Compassion keeps exasperation at bay, and invites patience and empathy.

Limiting beliefs stay with us

Before I started my new business I had to be mentally ready. When I left my old job, I was confident, passionate, and ready to start soaring! I felt that I finally got rid of the ghosts of past failures, mistakes, and low self-esteem. My first month of being an entrepreneur was awesome! I got clients right away, met some amazing fellow entrepreneurs, and was building the foundation of a successful business.

Then during month number two, I faltered. I didn't get any new clients. I was told "no" for the first time  of my venture. I lost that wondrous, magical momentum and began to doubt myself. There were days when I was a complete shut-in and was unable be a self-starter.

I had an appointment with my life coach, Rony, and was able to reset. My biggest take away from our session was that Limiting Beliefs Stay With Us.

For some reason, that was the most comforting realization to me. I thought that I was already "fixed," that there was no room for lack of confidence when I have so much at stake, and to feel inadequate was death to my entrepreneurship.

But what I learned was that this feeling of not being good enough rears it's ugly head during times of great growth. Feeling this way was not a sign of reverting back to old ways but was a sign that I was moving forward into bigger, expansive, scary territory. It's all about shifting out of that "not good enough" cloud, recognize it for what it is, and keep on keeping on.

What a relief! Now it's time to get back to business.

Turning Failure into Recommitment

This week I felt like a failure. I came back from a fun little vacation, and upon re-entry to normal life, I had trouble getting my engines revved up again. I missed deadlines, was late for appointments, broke commitments - I even broke a promise to my dog! Every time I messed up was another brick added to my wall of shame. Needless to say, I didn't feel confident nor up to achieving great things.

So here's the thing. I could have stayed on this depression spiral (and part of me still is struggling to get out of it as I write this post) but then I asked myself "something isn't working here, what can I learn from this?"

Something shifted when I asked that question.

All week, I kept telling myself that I was lame and I totally suck, which led to more suckage. This time I took one of my disappointments and made it into a insightful lesson.

I had met with a prospective client earlier this week. I was late to the appointment, but she was very understanding, and although she wouldn't be able to start training with me for another couple of months, she was interested. I offered to do her next workout with her and set her up with a fitness strategy in the meantime. She works out at 5 am, which is something that I totally do not want to do, but I still told her I would meet her - I need clients, so do whatever it takes, right? Well, the night before I had trouble falling asleep and knew that I would not be able to get up and be functional so I cancelled. She subsequently let me know that she decided to work out on her own in the meantime and will maybe look for a trainer a few months down the road.

Rejection sucks, especially knowing that it was because I handled the situation poorly. I sat in that shameful rejection for a few hours, and it was uncomfortable, depressing, and deflating. I hated it, and I could not bear to feel this way anymore. And that's when I asked myself, "What's the lesson here?" And that's how I discovered a few things:

1) Although "doing whatever it takes" can be useful in the short term to overcome an obstacle, it is not going to work for me for the long haul. I know I don't want early morning clients and this woman worked out at 5 freaking AM. Instead of thinking that I would have to fit in her schedule, I could have asked her if she was open to working out at another time. This was a HUGE revelation. I've been coached to make sure I have clients that are right for me - and finally experienced for myself how that can look. I can ask questions to create the right situation, or allow prospects to weed themselves out. This informs future discovery sessions I have with people.

2) I am going to fuck up. That's that nature of the path I have chosen. Even though I knew what the right thing to do was, I still didn't get it done. But now I can choose how I feel about the fuck up and figure out ways to handle the situation better when I comes up. I can decide to make my failures into productive ones. I even made up a term for it - Situational Alchemy.

3) Recommitment is a moment to moment decision. I declared that I am an entrepreneur, a coach, a trainer, an instructor. Even when I mess up and don't live up to those roles at times, I can recommit and get back in gear. My life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon, and I choose to keep taking steps in that direction, even when I falter.

I am an entrepreneur.

A year ago I took a stand in making big changes in my life. My goal was to discover what I was meant to do and what I had to do to get there. I got coaching, worked really hard, took a big leap aka quit my corporate job, and now I am a certified personal trainer and help people become healthy and fit for a living. I had been living my life in an unhappy comfort zone and then became brave and broke free. Now I am my own boss and do something that aligns with my core values.

At first I was worried that I made a mistake, that I wouldn't be good at this training thing, and that I would fail. During my first training session with my very first client, I had a huge revelation - I LOVE training. I was doing something that I enjoyed and was good at, I was helping someone better herself, and i was getting paid to do it! This is what I was meant to do. 

Just Take That First Step

Sometimes I like to procrastinate by forever planning and prepping for the thing I need to do. Like for instance - I need to do A, B, and C before I start this blog. A - what is my target audience. B - what topics do I want to write about? C - what type of format do I want to use? Well, while thinking about all those things are important, I've let those things get in the way of doing any actual writing. So now I am just taking the plunge and start writing and then along the way maybe all those things will work themselves out.

Here's the thing - I used to love writing, and I think I was good at it. I also like to share my knowledge with others and sometimes I think that I am wise. If those things are true, then it would be shame to keep those gifts that I have to myself and not share it with others. But how about if I am actually a terrible writer and not wise at all? Well, I guess in that case, and at the very least, I started doing something that enjoy again.

And who knows? Maybe I am the great person that I think I am inside. And maybe I create a spark inside another person and inspire them to their greatness. Maybe my words will help someone realize a truth for themselves, something that makes all the turmoil in their minds and hearts become clear and smooth.

I think that I will like to impart some wisdom on running/walking, being happy, leaving a legacy, my family, and throw in some fun stuff like sports and video games for the hey of it. Also book recommendations, maybe? Who knows, I will just keep writing and take it where my whim wants to go.